Alexander Hamiltons Perspective
by oc03
Summary: Written from Hamilton's perspective, this story is about his relationships / friendships with people. Includes Lams :)) PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

As Aaron Burr walked me over to the three men in the bar, I got nervous. I knew first impressions can be tough. The men radiated confidence as they walked over and introduced themselves. There was Lafayette, a Frenchman who was loud and proud. There was Hercules Mulligan, who was a big man but who's personality did not match his build. He appeared quite gentle to me.

And then there was John Laurens. He was roughly the same size as me, and his brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He had a splash of freckles across his nose and he had deep brown eyes, which were difficult not to stare into. He smiled at me when we first met in that bar. After I was introduced to all of them, I was invited to sit down. Lafayette and Mulligan sat across from me and John sat right next to me, barely a centimetre between us. From the very first time I saw his face, he caught my attention.

After that first night of meeting the men they were who I considered my closest friends. In 1780, we all went to a ball and Burr spoke to me about the Schuyler Sisters. They were known widely for their looks and for their fathers money. Burr had his eye on them the whole night. This is how I came to meet Angelica Schuyler. A beautiful woman inside and out. We spoke for a considerable amount of time, being both funny and a bit flirty. She eventually told me that I must meet her sister. Eliza was different to her sister in many ways. She was just as beautiful, but she was quiet and refined. I liked Angelica as soon as she opened her mouth, and I started to like Eliza as we danced. I noticed across the room Angelica was dancing with John. I caught Angelicas eye first, and she grinned at me. I then caught Johns eye, and he half-heartedly smiled and looked to the floor.

By the end of the night, my friends were shitfaced and could barely walk. Lafayette and Mulligan stumbled ahead, drunkenly singing a song I couldn't make out. John and I walked behind them , admiring the sunrise and occasionally grinning at each other. He asked me about Eliza and if I was going to see her again. I wasn't sure at the time but as the months went on I wrote letters to her frequently.

Eliza and I wrote letters to each other so much, I might even say we were quickly falling in love. Every time I wrote to her, I asked for Angelica because after I spoke to her at the ball, it was hard to keep her off my mind. No matter how deeply I was falling for Eliza, it just kept getting more difficult to keep Angelica out of my thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

On the night of me and Eliza's wedding, I thought I would try to confront my feelings. I was clearly in love with Eliza. Why else would I have married her? But even after this amount of time, Angelica was still constantly in my mind, as if she refused to leave my brain. I wouldn't be surprised, with how stubborn she is.

And then, yet again, there was John Laurens. The man was my best friend, closest companion. I would trust him with my life. Yet somehow - even in that day and age - I still managed to be helplessly in love with him. I couldn't help it. It felt ridiculous to be marrying a woman with looks, money and a kind personality when there was other people. It _was_ ridiculous. I couldn't help myself.

After the marriage my feelings only grew. I wrote to Angelica constantly. I told her my stories, about my job. She understood. She was someone I could vent to about my feelings. I never wanted Eliza to feel the stress I felt, or to know my difficulties. Angelica was in London, and I longed for her. She cared. I thought about her day and night and how much I missed her. We often spoke of Eliza. Angelica would ask me about our marriage, our future - if we wanted children or not, how many? I couldn't help but think about that night at the ball. What if Angelica never introduced me to Eliza? I knew deep in my soul that she never wanted to. She wanted me for herself, but she was too kind and she cared for her sister more than anything in her life.

My morals then got even more clouded. During the wars, I was away from home most of the time. I only got home very rarely. I fought alongside my friends - Mulligan, Lafayette ... Laurens. Laurens and I began to get even closer than before. We shared everything with each other. It was all in one night that everything changed. For better or for worse? I'll never know.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a cold night. Tension filled the air all around me. I lay in my tent not being able to sleep. I had so much on my mind. Having spent so much time with John, it became slightly easier each day to put Angelica out of my mind. I tried my hardest to think of Eliza. But when I ventured into my mind, John was always there, prominent in my thoughts. I was sure but confused - sure about how I felt, but confused about what I wanted.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the flap of my tent got swept out the way. I squinted to see who was intruding at this time of night. My eyes finally focused and much to my relief, the man who had come into my tent was none other than John Laurens.

He crawled over to me, his deep brown eyes flowing into mine. I sighed. He apologised for giving me a fright. I asked him why he had come to see me and he responded with a mere shrug. His cheeks were tinged with pink. The cold night had left both our breaths visible. We made limited eye contact and every time we did, he looked behind him, back into the starry sky. It was a romantic night, despite the frosty chill.

John shivered and tried to warm himself up by blowing on his hands. I was nervous and wasn't sure what to do. I eventually summoned the courage I required and invited him to come away from the open flap and try to warm up. He let out a little smile and rolled his eyes. He made his way closer to me. The tent was relatively cramped and there wasn't much personal space. John looked timid and didn't come too close. I gave him a look as if to say _'come on, you know you want to.'_ He looked at me, trying to read my expression. He finally gave in to the internal pressure he was feeling and lay down beside me. After a minute of comfortable silence, he spoke about the stars. How beautiful the night sky was. One of the main reasons I was so in love with Laurens was because of his passion for intricate detail. Romantic detail.

As we lay next to each other, I occasionally looked over just to see his face. He looked content and that made me happy. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be lying there right beside him.

John rolled over so his back was to me. I knew him well enough to read his body language. He was telling me something. And I knew exactly what it was. I moved in closer to him. Our warm bodies locked together, fitting perfectly. I put my arm over him and he subtly took my hand. After a while of pure comfort, I was able to tell he was asleep. I felt tired, even though there was a rush of energy and adrenaline through my veins. I was truly, undeniably in love with this man. I softly kissed the back of his head and went to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next few nights after the event with Laurens, I couldn't take my mind off it. I tried everything to think about something else. My wife perhaps? There was a stormy ocean of guilt inside me. Between the letters to Angelica and my undeniable feelings for Laurens, I couldn't help but feel sick from the shame. My emotions got the better of me. I missed Laurens. I wanted him to come back, I longed for him. I was just settling down and burning off my near-sinful thoughts when I heard a rustle outside my tent. Could it be? Would he come back?

Laurens entered my tent apprehensively. He paused before I gave him a look which told him to come. He lay beside me, as before. He spoke about the stars, as before. A feeling of familiarity washed over me. There was an energy radiating off of him that night. He was different than before. Before he was romantic and calm, although nervous at the same time. That night he had a certain glint in his eye - a hungry, provocative one.

He turned over to look at me and our faces were only inches apart. I felt the same energy rise in me and I couldn't contain it any longer. The energy burst out of me and suddenly Laurens and I were locked in a lascivious kiss. He was quick to return the intensity and we could not be separated if we tried to be. There was a hunger inside both of us that could no longer be pushed aside, and before we knew it, we went further than expected on that fateful night.

Laurens kissed my neck gracefully and couldn't stop himself there. _I_ couldn't stop him there. He made his way down my arms and feverishly along my stomach. It felt gratifying to have the touch of another man. I knew he wanted me, he knew I wanted him. It was perfect.

Laurens drew back to take his shirt off and he began to lift mine. It slipped off smoothly and we magnetically went back in for another kiss. His lips were soft and hungry. He used his hands to arouse me further and he pulled my trousers down. He touched me gently, driving me insane. I begged for more. He gave me a teasing look and smiled. He swiftly brought me to his mouth and went up and down repeatedly. The connection between us was irreplaceable. I peaked relatively quickly and willingly returned the favour. Our attempt at being subtle was demolished as Laurens essentially screamed when I got him to his high point.

There was a satisfactory feeling to the area when we finished. Johns sweaty body lay on mine for the night. We shared a tent and even a blanket and I had never felt more satisfied about anything in my life. The guilt was pounding in my head and wouldn't stop. It was like a virus and I couldn't get rid of it. To attempt distaction, I thought of what had happened that night and how special it was. I was legitimately in love with John Laurens, and I didn't think I could keep it from him any longer.


	5. Chapter 5

_Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you._

I reread the letter so many times that I could recite it off by heart. As much as I wrote, this was the first piece of writing where I knew everything had to be perfect. It had to have feeling in it, an honest feeling. I couldn't contain my love for Laurens inside any longer, it had to be set free. I poured out my deepest emotions and thoughts as I wrote and became scared that it had revealed too much. But then why would I keep anything from this man? I didn't have a reason to. He was the very heart and soul of what I lived for.

I sent the letter with great hesitation. I was sure of myself and my feelings, but unsure of the reaction that they would create. Self confidence is what I needed. Deep down, I knew John Laurens loved me. It couldn't be ignored. The way he was so intimate with me was only for one reason. I tried to trust my instincts and I posted the letter, I got it over with.

Sending that letter was possibly the best decision I ever made. Everything that ensued from it reaching the hands of Laurens was beyond anything I could have imagined. We had more frequent 'meetings' and they weren't meaningless. Just like the first time, they were special. The guilt that persisted in my head slowly began to fade, and I'm not sure whether that was for better or for worse. I worried I was becoming senseless as I forgot about my wife. I hadn't seen her in so long. I had the mind to know I wasn't losing my senses, as every time I saw Laurens I felt warm and cherished.

The day we truly confessed our love for each other was after my letter had reached Laurens. He wrote back to me very honestly and intimately. The letters John and I began to send to each other became more explicit as the days went on. We both knew that if these letters were to be read by anyone other than us, heartbreak and disaster would ensue. This is why, when Washington sent me home from the war, I hid the letters. John got into a duel with Charles Lee and he shot Lee in the side. I was involved lightly in the duel, and therefore got sent home by Washington. By the time I got home, I realised there was a bigger reason he discharged me. Eliza was pregnant. She hadn't even told me, but instead had written to Washington, begging him to send me home.

I greeted Eliza with a romantic embrace. I had truly missed her more than anyone. As soon as I walked in the door, her face lit up, as did mine. For once, I felt like we were a normal, faithful couple. Part of me - although a sinful part of me - hoped that Eliza had been unfaithful. My guilt had faded over time, but from the moment we reunited, it came sprinting back to me and hit me right in the chest. It pained me that I had treated such a kind, loving woman so poorly. I could see in her eyes how much she cared for me. And no matter how strong my feelings for John became, I could never not love Eliza.

The second thing I had done when I got home was the first thing on my mind. I emptied my bag, and the heavy amounts of love letters that it contained. I sifted through the letters and the feeling of reading them for the first time came rushing back to me. They were full of romance and passion. I was quickly reminded that the last thing I wanted to happen was for Eliza - or anyone for that matter - to find the writing. I had to quickly find a way to get them to a place where they would never be found.


End file.
